Girls Girls Girls!!

I was talking to two good friends today at lunch, lets call them B and S. They are both smart and very nice girls and very good friends. We started talking about the difference between girls and guys, specifically with respect to their PhD studies. B was saying how after talking to a lot of people, it seems that it is generally girls that never feel they are ready to graduate or propose (PhD proposals), that they know enough. They feel that they are imposters, somehow having tricked everyone and there is always the fear that they will be revealed. Why is it we feel that way? B mentioned maybe it is to do with the fact that we talk and analyze things too much. I wonder if that is why. Does this insecurity have any good affects? Maybe it does and maybe it does too much damage.

It is funny, a lot of what she described are exactly my feelings. My confidence level with regards to my studies is very low. Maybe that is because I haven't had the best graduate studies experience (actually it is definitely related) but I also think that the lack of confidence is a girl thing. It is especially worst, when you think about the fact that I am in a male dominated field and it is generally these males that have over sized egos and inflated confidences.

I do other dumb girl things: the other night I said something at the dance class, where I was joking. Later on I kept thinking about it and thinking what if no one realized that i was joking? Oh they must think i am such a bad person. You wouldn't believe, this went on for literally half the night. I couldn't stop myself from thinking of this and I was so worried and by 3am and I was still awake, I knew I had to stop. Is it just me or do other people worry about dumb things as well. You analyze everything you say and then reanalyze.