TLC

I've been in CanadaLand the past week or so, being a kid again, not doing anything and watching Tv, while being spoilt by mi madre :-) I am usually a CNN fan since I don't have it at home but what i like to watch in the mornings is the show What Not to Wear. It's kind of fun because you see people who (you hope) are worst dressed than you and then you learn what they should wear etc. This channel also has a lot of baby shows. Straight after the WNTW show, there is a Baby Story show which is like a documentary of a couple who are pregnant and they go through the birth etc. Oh My... did that get my clock ticking. The whole baby thing is so amazing. Imagine being able to bring to life another little human being - Amazing no? It is one of the most wonderous things in the world. And then a little kid belongs to you and they will grow up. It's amazing amazing.

A Tale of Much Woe

I have had an interesting time applying for jobs since my graduation. Almost immediately when i started my application process, I found a very interesting position with a good company. Over a short period, I had a number of interviews and then I was told the team liked me and were going to make me an offer but they had to get approval. Since I liked the team and seemed everything was working out I stopped applying and kept myself busy with work. A month later i was still waiting in limbo with no end in sight. I had a crisis period before I started applying again, this time like crazy. As days passed, my range of what I considered suitable jobs increased and increased. It's quite interesting when one day you are ignoring a job because you think that is not suitable but then the next day when you don't see any new open positions, you go back and say well, maybe that first position wasn't that bad!
Anyhow, so currently I have another offer waiting to happen -- a pretty good one too. iYay for me! I haven't signed anything yet but it looks much more promising. The funny thing is that i am still looking at the job websites every morning and applying. Just now I organized another interview for a job which is not that interesting but heck... I can't seem to say no. Now it's like a compulsion, a game, where I apply just to see how it goes. It has been really interesting going through the interviews as well. The technical questions are kind of fun now. Maybe I am only thinking that because I have the potential offer now. I remember when I first started the process I was really afraid. It was the first time I was going thru these technical interviews where over the course of a day, you meet with 10 people one by one. But I've been learning how to prepare.
Anyway so my tale is not so much woe -- atleast I am hoping it won't be.
To Be Continued.

Remember Me

Yesterday I was listening to This American Life on NPR which is a collection of stories and essays and field recordings. It's really interesting and thought provoking.
There was one particular story which I thought was so beautifully told and powerful and sad.
David Wilcox tells the story of how his mother, who was dying of lung cancer, made a short videotape for his sister, who is severely developmentally disabled. She hoped the tape would become a daily part of her daughter's life, like the other music and movies she liked to play, that she would watch it and remember her mother. But she also knew her daughter might never even see it.
If you get the chance, go to the website and listen to the podcast or online.

Speaking of luck...

My husband is a very lucky, LUCKY man.
He managed to hook his wife on a game.
Now she cajoles him into playing one more game.
Last night:

husband: I am so sleepy. I am going to sleep.
me: no just one more game. We have a good group going.
husband: no no I am really sleepy.
me: Just one more game.
husband: no...
me: puh-leaze! I'll owe you one...

That man is a lucky lucky man. I thought women were the ones that tried to change men once they got them in a relationship. Alas he is the true Pied Piper in our relationship.

Job application =?= romance

This is my new theory. Applying for a job is like being in a romantic relationship. There are highs, there are lows: does he like me, does he not like me, are we a good fit, will he support me, i should play hard to get, not too eager... and it all ends either in breaking up or a marriage proposal.. i mean a job offer.
and so continues my saga of job hunting with no resolution in sight.

Dancing and Music

This weekend Albanini and I went to a great little bar called Cigar Bar and Lounge in SF. It's cozy and has a nice atmosphere. There was also a small salsa band who were fab and we danced the night away. A much nicer place than the salsa place close to our house which Albinoni and I go once in a while because we are too lazy to go far. So we have been to this place (the one close to us) several times and there are definitely regulars. There is this woman who is a fabulous dancer with long hair that generally flies about as she turns and little dresses which are rather low cut and I am always surprised they don't reveal more accidentally! But it is so funny when she dances there is usually a line of men standing to the side just watching her. Anyway we found out she is a bit of a slut. Then there is this smallish guy with slicked back hair who is so cool he wears sunglasses in the dance club. Gangsta material. The DJ there seriously sucks. Seriously. ok enough complaining about this club. One good thing about the club is the teaching hour they have before the band starts playing. The teachers are relatively good. Now i am finishing on a good note :-)

Last night we also went to a concert by the Kronos Quartet. I had only heard Kronos' soundtrack to Requiem of a Dream and I absolutely love their Lux Aeterna. So I had high hopes going to the concert. Alas the first half they played all these very modern atonal, discordent music which contained background synthethized sound and some whispers and voice additions by these guys. It was amazing to me how anyone could actually like this so called music. Given 2 violins, a viola and a cello, you can make the most beautiful, deep and harmonous sounds and when you hear deliberate jarring and scratchy sounds, you wonder. Of course, what do I know, for there were people who loved and clapped and expressed their amazement at the beauty of the "noise" after wards during the discussion with the band.
I really don't understand these modern arts, where you call noise music, and some splashes of color on a canvas, a masterpiece.

Job Hunting Syndrome

The last couple of weeks, while hunting for suitable employment, I have become kind of antisocial. I don't want to talk to my friends and I don't want to see them (esp the ones with jobs!). I don't want to answer any questions about how my job hunting is going.
The problem is more myself, because when i see friends I can't help but talk about what's on my mind but I also don't want to talk about it, so you see, my solution is not to see them or talk to them.
Which is probably not a very good thing! :-(

How to get music savvy

It might surprise many people, but I am not what is considered "cool"... NO WAY!! no, really? I know, I was quite shocked myself when I discovered it. But then I asked my mum and she said, well, surprisingly, she confirmed it.
Hark!
The who issue gets re-confirmed whenever we play trivia and I find myself so clueless about current music. Now give me a bit of opera and I might not do AS badly, but .. who am I kidding. Anyway, Atlanta is similarly clueless about cool music. As an aside, this might be why we are so good for each other -- both of us are clueless and yet we think the other one is cool. :-P
How did I get here? I am quite the meander-er tonight! the whole reason why I started writing this blog was because Atlanta, in his quest to become up to date with current music, is listening to the radio station of his car in Grand Theft Auto -- yes, not a real radio station, rather the radio station of his simulated car in the simulated NY of GTA. He has come up with quite a few new songs that we assume are cool because they are in video games. I think that is hilarious =D

Why doesn't the pot boil????

You've heard of the saying "A watched pot never boils" right?
well, today for me the appropriate saying is "A watched inbox doesn't receive the email that you're waiting for".

I'm waiting... sigh!

Most popular pages

It is always interesting to see who accesses my blog and how they get there. In particular, I have two posts which appear very popular with random people.
The first is my post on funny myths. I have no idea why, but I get a lot of hits on this page from google searches.
The second one which is more interesting is my post on the legend behind the song Sari Galin. My original post was based on what my Turkish friend had told me about it since I couldn't find information about this song anywhere (and it is a most beautiful song, with many translations). Seems I had touched upon a well, touchy topic, as you can see by reading the comments that people have left there. I got another comment yesterday and when i looked on google, I think i am very high up on the search list. It's really very interesting... and as Atlas said, there is so much hate in the world!!

Tantrums

However much money you pay for an airline ticket, you cannot control who you sit with. I am always apprehensive about sitting next to really fat people or worst, smelly people or those that make unnecessary noises. Babies are always tough as well, you never know when they are going to throw a tantrum.
On my flight today, a small family with a 1-2 year old were sitting across me. The little boy behaved really well thru most of the flight -- he was energetic and wouldn't sit down but he was happy and played with him mum and dad. About 2/3 of the way through though I don't know what happened but he suddenly started crying and crying really loud. Nothing his parents did helped. Usually I can get annoyed and think oh I didn't pay all this money to have this noise pollution. But you should have seen this little boy, his little body was racked with sobs and he was so upset. After maybe 10-5 minutes or so, his mum managed to quite him down a little bit. She was rocking him in her arms and you could see that although he had quietened down, he was trembling and hiccuping.
I was thinking first how weird it is to be a little child in this world and how when they are upset, it is such a sad sight to see. Once I stopped thinking about myself and imagine it from the perspective of the little guy, I was just sad and wanted to make him feel better. Poor little guy.
Meanwhile I was seeing how the parents were handling this. Many times I have said oh I am not ready to be a parent because how can i handle a child throwing a tantrum? But can anyone truly be ready to handle such a situation? Would there be a time when a person says, ok from now on, I can take anything the little kid throws at me.
I think that it is true that you need to have a certain level of maturity before you think about kids, but I don't think you are ever going to get to a stage when you think you are totally ready. I believe you are never going to be totally ready for all the facets of child bearing so waiting for that time to arrive is simply futile.
Having a child will bring you many moments of wondrous beauty and to balance, moments when you want to throw your hands in the air and say what have i gotten myself into. I think the point is, just like your own life, concentrate on the beauty and appreciate those moments all the more.
Of course, what do I know!! :-P

billions and billions

Who would have thought Sagan's use of billions and billions would be so prophetic? This last week I have been watching CNN (yes I am in Calgary and thus have access to ... well, tens and tens of channels!) and the numbers that people are using are just so... well, large! 700 billion for this, 800 billion for that...

Speaking of big numbers, I was reading up on the googol, you know, as you would....
here is what wiki was saying:

"One googol is presumed to be greater than the number of elementary particles in the observable universe, which has been variously estimated from 10⁷⁹ up to 10⁸¹. A googol is also greater than the number of Planck times elapsed since the Big Bang which is estimated at around 8 × 10⁶⁰.

Since a googolplex is one followed by a googol zeroes, it would not be possible to write down or store a googolplex in decimal notation, even if all the matter in the known universe were converted into 0s. Indeed, if you had an unlimited supply of ink and paper, you would need around 10²⁰ times the current age of the universe to fully write down a googolplex."

Pretty big. So, where was I? right. Don't you worry about the state of economy in US? I'm getting more and more worried. I wish I could bury my head in sand and wait until things become better. That works, no? :-P

Post-Defense Depression

No, no, I joke, no one is depressed. I was just making a play on the name postpartum depression and I just found the resulting name funny (not that there is anything funny with PPD). I am very happy I defended and I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Having said that... I also feel really fragile. My position and future is so uncertain and I have no idea what will happen. One minute I think, oh this will be great, I will have a job, I am qualified and then something slightly negative happens (or even doesn't happen!) and I become really depressed about my future. The economy is bad, my record is not good enough,... sigh. I feel like the Dow Jones, where my stocks are just falling falling and falling in this time of uncertainty!

Gray days

You know those days when you wake up after a night when by all accounts you should be rested - instead you are tired and angry at the world and don't want to talk to anyone? You wish you could just continue sleeping and sleeping and not have to deal with anyone?
well, um, I'm having one of those days. Instead of sleeping though, I am at work and working on my deadlines, and counting down the hours before I can go home.
oh and the sky is gray today. really.

Update: Znoina cheered me up immensely by introducing me to Hoops and Yoyo! they're hilarious. It's off to coffee shop i go. :-)

The Olympics

Watching the Olympics this year has been kind of tough for me, mainly because we don't have a TV. :-P The only time I get to watch it is when I go to the gym! I get on a cardio machine and watch one of the silent screens in front of me and since somehow they don't have close caption, I imagine what they say. And time between the commercials flies actually. Even the commercials have suddenly become pretty innovative and interesting. Who has seen the one about wind energy and the ancient greek who throws the discus and because of the wind, the discus changes course and topples the parthenon? :-P

And so 10 days or so have passed and although it is such a huge event in the world, it hasn't really made its self aware in my life.
It makes you wonder how easy it is to not be aware of things going on around you. and this leads to two questions: how much are you really aware of what's going on around you, and how much do you really need to be aware of what is going on around you. Do I really need to know about the Olympics?

Wasabe

I have not been a faithful blogger in the last month or so... and a lot has happened. It all started when we had a family reunion in mid august which coincided with the best of the best movie, The Dark Knight. We watched it on IMAX and it was magnificent - Batman as usual was the torn hero, while his nemesis the Joker was evil and chaos combined. I was reminded of the passing of Heath Ledger and it is such a shame. In some ways I was glad his face was always covered by makeup - it distanced him from his character.

I also went for a visit to LA and met up with some old family friends whom i hadn't seen for nearly 10 years - the kids had grown and they were little women now. I love watching and talking to teenagers and young adults - their views and their thought processes and what they deem as cool. Those years are hard! I remember I really wanted a boy friend but of course at that age, if you don't have the look and the cool cat act, which let me assure you i didn't, then boy friends were rare and scarce. It didn't help that i looked different to a lot of people around me. Now i look back and just think what a life.
My mum used to say to me that being young is beautiful. I didn't use to agree with that but now i see these fresh faced kids and understand what she was talking about. (not that i am old now ofcourse, but it is all relative). We used to worry about our hair, our skin, am i too fat, are my legs long enough, am i cute enough... so much energy!
Sorry how did i get in this meandering? :-P

I also went (twice) to the Frida Kahlo exhibition in Sf MOMA - i will have to write about her in a separate post. it was really interesting, her paintings were so emotional and i am glad i went twice because my feelings changed.

As I said lots has happened in these times. I will have to be more consistent with my blogging.
Meanwhile here is a really fun song I heard yesterday by Lily Allen called "GWB (Fuck you very much)", addressing, i assume, the esteemed leader of the first world central. Although some say it means Guess Who batman, which doesn't make sense to me. regardless, it is upbeat with not so upbeat lyrics. Reminds me of her other song Smile.
Boomp3.com
If you want your own copy, you can get it here.

most valuable possession

I just read about this armed robbery that happened close to our house and you know what i was thinking... omg if that happens to me, i hope they don't take my computer!! it has all of my research files!
I am not sure what it says about me that this is the first thing I think about.

Maybe I need to get a back up!

Our reality

In the midst of paper rejections from snotty conferences, it is good to remind of ourselves what reality is for some people. After 6 years of being a hostage, Colombian politician Ingrid Betancourt is finally rescued by the government forces. oh yes 14 others were as well.
It is a happy day after all.

Cafe where art thou?

It's been nearly 10 days that I have stopped my two cups of coffee in the morning habit. I am drinking black tea as replacement which has much less caffeine and I no longer get headaches. However you know what I have discovered? I like the taste and smell of coffee....I miss it! I no longer need it but would like to drink it. That is good right? :-)
However I will never sink to the level of green teas... they are still yuck! :-P

Btw again where are my blogger sisters and brothers?!!!

Sliding Doors

One of the best things about joining facebo0k has been that I have gotten in touch with a lot of my high school friends back in W011ongong. Unfortunately, I had lost touch with everyone except for 3 wonderful people and now I got a chance to see what everyone was up to. What struck me and strikes me every time I go to their homepages is the different paths we have taken since high school. Almost everyone in that group is married, settled down with at least one kid. It's amazing, girl or boy, their profile pictures is of them holding a baby, a toddler or a kid. Sometimes a big kid and I wonder how soon after graduation they had the kid.
Meanwhile, here I am still in school with an unsettled future and as time goes by, the prospect of kids becomes more and more scary. It is such a huge responsibility and they will be here forever. The good times and the bad times. You think marriage is scary but it is nothing compared to bringing someone to life and saying "here you go, goodluck and all, it's not really a fair and just world". And the funny thing is that as time goes by, for me the responsibility of a kid becomes more scary. Don't get me wrong I want a kid or two, but when you start thinking about the why and the how and the randomness of it all, it is such a heavy responsibility... almost like playing god!! Maybe the idea is not to think about it and over-analyze it -- simply go for it. Who knows.
Going back to my school mates, it is weird how our lives are so different. From my whole year which i think had about 100 kids, give and take a few, I think only 3 people did phds and haven't had the expected sequence of events after their high school. The cool kids are nearly all homebodies and the uncool kids have come into their element. They have become cool.
Seriously going thru high school is so stressful and scarring!! you have to escape it first before you can leave behind the tangles and the shadows and become your own person.